The happiness I've felt for the past 2 weeks can't compare to the mother-fucking pain I've felt in the past 3 days. I understand you guys are tyring to protect me, and you guys really care. I understand it, I really reallly do. But why can't you guys see what I see? You keep telling me I've changed but you don't tell me how. You want me to figure this shit out by myself? Fine. One of these days I will. I hope you enjoy the time it takes me to get it.

This pain... when *e*** lied to me about cheating.. it didnt hurt this much. When i found out *e***** hurt me after that stupid argument we had..It didn't hurt this much either. When I found out *i*** was moving to another school, it didn't hurt this much. When *r**** stopped being my friend it didn't hurt this much.
But *o**** disowning me as a friend, *i*** barely talking to me and telling me I'm shutting him out, *l**** telling me I've changed so much and not telling me why... it hurts a lot. It's more than I can handle. It's too much at once. and to top it off *e***** hasn't been talking to me lately either.

you guys think i'm getting way in, too deep with Liaw when you guys won't talk to me, won't tell me and won't hear me out. He IS. HE listens to it all and it's not like he agrees with everything but he's willing to deal with it with me.

I'm starting to wonder if I should even be having this feeling of happiness. You guys are always telling me how you'd want me to be happy cuhz I've been through too much and yet, you won't let me. You tell me it's fine, go ahead, but you're still holding me back from actually going for it.

I'm not trying to shut anyone out, I'm not getting in too deep with Liaw, I'm not replacing anyone, and the main thing that's really bugging me: I'm not any different.

I wish I never promised I wouldn't overdose. I wish I didn't promise not to cut. I wish I didn't promise not to commit suicide. I wish I wasn't selfish, wanting to find happiness, but we can't always have what we want can we?