he could be visiting this friday- wednesday but he didnt wanna miss his pre-season games. he shouldnt have told me cuz now i feel like i AM just an option, not a priority like he said i was. is basketball that much more important than i am? i dont know what im suppose to think. i dont want to be the jealous type but i dont wanna just let things go so easily. it's bugging me hella much. he cant even see that. i wish he'd take some time to actually notice that im NOT OKAY. even though i say that i am. -_________-
I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
Cause no one else cared
---
Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You've learned to hide so well
Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are
im trying to just let it go. i hate knowing that i've made someone my priority and i dont mean that much to them. haha i dont know what to think anymore. one minute you love me, next minute you'd rather play games than talk to me. one moment im your everything, next moment your games mean more.
make up your fuckind mind. i can't be stuck in this situation forever. if you want me to wait then i'll wait but stop making me feel like all this waiting is gonna be pointless.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
whoa, that was fast
it totally doesn't feel like Christmas is coming up. it doesn't feel like December at all. haha it's cold but then i spent my "summer" in Australia where it was hella cold during july & August. I miss Australia. damnn. It was a fun adventure. haha I miss the friends I made too. they're all busy and what not. Andy's back in town for a while. hopefully i'll get a chance to hang out with him. i need to start studying for finals that are coming up when we get back to school. booo! that really sucks. haha i'm pretty scared for it. I haven't done well on big tests in such a long time.
I wonder what Bernard is thinking about.
I wonder what Bernard is thinking about.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
thinking about it all over again
haha wow, december already? so fast damn. i wanna spend my xmas and new years with you. this time i'll be good and keep my full attention on you.
sigh. so many big and small things are running across my mind and it's always something about you. why am i so attatched? haha, i'm so dense. but i dont want to let go. i cant let go.
xmas break is coming up. i dont think i'll get through it without tears
sigh. so many big and small things are running across my mind and it's always something about you. why am i so attatched? haha, i'm so dense. but i dont want to let go. i cant let go.
xmas break is coming up. i dont think i'll get through it without tears
Sunday, December 14, 2008
you'll always be mine
I like waking up in the morning babe, looking at your pretty face, knowing that you'll always be mine. And I like holding you in my arms at night underneath the moonlight knowing that you’ll always be mine. I like kissing you while you’re sleeping babe whispering I love you boy knowing that you’ll always be mine. And I like waking up to your pretty smile touching your soft skin knowing that you’ll always be mine. Be mine.
sometimes i just cnat help but think you're going to break your promise. i feel so empty without you next to me. you're so far away, i cant even hear your sweet voice. you're so busy that even if i was next to you, you'd look the other way. i'm selfish and selfish for wanting you to show me that you care when sometimes i dont even show you that i care. im sorry for that baby but that's just how i am. thats not how you were. i'm trying to change how i am to make things better but it doesnt seem like you even care so why should i bother to put myself through getting hurt again when it really feels like if i was open and honest about my feelings i'd only be shot down again? i'm done getting hurt. i dont want to have to go through rough nights crying my eyes out about you and how hurt you make me. i dont want to feel like it's all my fault we have problems. it sucks! knowing how other girls have some part of me that attracts you to them. NO ONE SHOULD BE LIKE ME! and if they are, it shouldn't attract you to them!
i dont want to wake up on of these night from crying and realize that you're not who i thought you were and you're not the one i'd want to be with. i'm starting to think that when we finally have the chnace to be together, everything would be different and the feelings we have now wont be there in the future.
sometimes i just cnat help but think you're going to break your promise. i feel so empty without you next to me. you're so far away, i cant even hear your sweet voice. you're so busy that even if i was next to you, you'd look the other way. i'm selfish and selfish for wanting you to show me that you care when sometimes i dont even show you that i care. im sorry for that baby but that's just how i am. thats not how you were. i'm trying to change how i am to make things better but it doesnt seem like you even care so why should i bother to put myself through getting hurt again when it really feels like if i was open and honest about my feelings i'd only be shot down again? i'm done getting hurt. i dont want to have to go through rough nights crying my eyes out about you and how hurt you make me. i dont want to feel like it's all my fault we have problems. it sucks! knowing how other girls have some part of me that attracts you to them. NO ONE SHOULD BE LIKE ME! and if they are, it shouldn't attract you to them!
i dont want to wake up on of these night from crying and realize that you're not who i thought you were and you're not the one i'd want to be with. i'm starting to think that when we finally have the chnace to be together, everything would be different and the feelings we have now wont be there in the future.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
ugh.pms?
Jessie's visiting. but i dont get to see her cuhz i had to work. ugh. work gets in the way of having fun. i want a normal fucking job that isnt on a damn weekend. -___________-'' it's irritating to always have to tell my friends " sorry, i have work on saturday and sunday."
my mom was bitching about how im a whore always hanging out with guys and fucking them etc. -__________- the guys i hang out with are my best friends. i can care less if my nosy ass neighbors call me a slut for having guys around me. if my parents werent such bitches and let my friends in, we wouldn'thave all this shit talking now would we?
and the stupider thing is that when they hear this shit about me, they spread it around and act like it hella hurts thme to hear it from everyone. it's their own damn fault.
im home alone. waiting on jessie to call me back. times like this i wish i had a friend close enough to come over and just hang out with me. i feel like shit.
my mom was bitching about how im a whore always hanging out with guys and fucking them etc. -__________- the guys i hang out with are my best friends. i can care less if my nosy ass neighbors call me a slut for having guys around me. if my parents werent such bitches and let my friends in, we wouldn'thave all this shit talking now would we?
and the stupider thing is that when they hear this shit about me, they spread it around and act like it hella hurts thme to hear it from everyone. it's their own damn fault.
im home alone. waiting on jessie to call me back. times like this i wish i had a friend close enough to come over and just hang out with me. i feel like shit.
Friday, December 12, 2008
stressful week
damn. hella shit to do this past week. homework homework projects tests quizes and etc. i'm glad it's the weekends. even though im working weekends at least i can study a bit. i hung out with mikey & lap & thomas today. haha played video games and ordered pizza. love the guys. they're hella fun [= it's mainly pigging out and and playing games so it's pretty cool. haha. this guy [that i've been talking to] ex- gf called me today when i was out with my friends and asked me if she could call him tonight O_o i was like.. okay? go ahead. i dont own him you know? she's like "okay cuhz whenever i call him he doesnt pick up cuhz he's talking to you and i wanna talk to him tonight." dude. i dont even care. haha i'm done with this guy. too many problems and shit going on with him. haha
maynnn! i miss bernard. haha. i do i hella do.
this year, to save me some tears, i'll give it to someone special.
maynnn! i miss bernard. haha. i do i hella do.
this year, to save me some tears, i'll give it to someone special.
Monday, December 8, 2008
maynn ,Tien SUCKS!
YUNIE (10:12:01 PM) : dude
YUNIE (10:12:10 PM) : i thought that picture of a guy dunking was you
YUNIE (10:12:11 PM) : then im like
YUNIE (10:12:12 PM) : wait wtf
YUNIE (10:12:18 PM) : THIS FOO IS BLACK NEVERMIND!
Taall (10:12:24 PM) : huh?
Taall (10:12:27 PM) : but that is me ..
Taall (10:12:35 PM) : what .. calling me black now?
YUNIE (10:12:40 PM) : LOL
YUNIE (10:12:50 PM) : that guy is too short to be you
Taall (10:12:57 PM) : but that IS me
Taall(10:12:59 PM) : ..
Taall (10:13:08 PM) : why would i put a picture of a random black guy on my page
Taall(10:13:08 PM) : haha
Taall(10:13:19 PM) : don't you recognize those gray shorts of mine?
Taall (10:13:23 PM) : and the addidas shoes?
Taall (10:13:24 PM) : o.o
YUNIE (10:14:26 PM) : LOL
YUNIE (10:14:42 PM) : psh
YUNIE (10:14:46 PM) : that foo is short
YUNIE (10:14:52 PM) : with hair
Taall(10:14:53 PM) : BUT THATS MEEEE
Taall (10:14:54 PM) : LOL
YUNIE (10:14:56 PM) : sao!
Taall(10:14:57 PM) : WOW
Taall (10:14:58 PM) : ok
Taall (10:14:58 PM) : don't talk to me
YUNIE (10:15:02 PM) : pshhh
YUNIE (10:16:33 PM) : i havent blogged in a while
Taall (10:16:48 PM) : you?
Taall(10:16:52 PM) : blog?
Taall (10:16:56 PM) : since when did those two words come together?
YUNIE (10:16:56 PM) : yeah
Taall (10:16:58 PM) : HAHA
haha totally random. damn i need to get out and about! my phone is getting cancelled on the 14th! BETTER HURRY UP AND CALL ME BITCHES! [=
haha totally random. damn i need to get out and about! my phone is getting cancelled on the 14th! BETTER HURRY UP AND CALL ME BITCHES! [=
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