Whatcha sayyyy... that you only meant well. well of course you didnt.

long weekend. i wanted to participate in DB when they went to treasure island but i ended up having to work. it was a bad weekend. everything was going to end badly. i talked to oso a lot. he really helps. i miss him. and pescado. haha I wanted to visit MHS but then remembered that they don't go there anymore. TAHITIAN PRACTICE HURTS! my thighs burn like crazy! rawr.

so i got a better job[= same place. but i'm in charge of the place. muahaha. it's pretty fun.

i think i'm sick? i'm out of text for this month=[

i miss dragon boating. i'm going to pierce my cartilage. i want a universal bar but my sister thinks it'll be ugly. so i'm just going to get one more piercing on my ear then get a belly piercing.

sigh, tahitian today was annoying. we only ran the routine twice. they should make it more clear-_- making us do more work doesnt seem to improve anything. just run it over and over. drill it into our minds. blah.

idk. i kinda miss you

My tears gone cold, i'm wondering why i got out of bed at all

any one that has ever told me they love [besides my mom] ends up leaving me. sometimes it's on intentionally but they still leave. a majority of the time it's my fault though so I shouldn't be complaining. I was tired so i put my head down. I get cranky when someone wakes me up. I pushed him away. I ended up napping for a bit. When I woke up, he left. I saw him sitting at the bench. I was wearing socks and flip flops so i went inside to put it away. when i came out he was gone. I felt so abandoned. He thinks i'm ignoring him. I'm just tired.

I'm sorry I let her hear the recording. I thought you're hella close to her. ur one of her best friends. it's not like she was going to mock you or anything.

He called, asked if i was coming, i said no, he hung up.

Everyone eventually leaves. They can only handle me to a certain extent. I don't blame them. I'm not worth the shit they have to go through. In my eyes, it's nothing hard but it probably is to them.

Why don't you tell me where it hurts?

Damn, this song has always gotten to me. Well I had a crap day. I dont understand why the melancholy feelings keep coming to me. Why do I feel so lonely? I don't get it. I don't know where I'm going in life. I hate that. I hate not knowing. I feel like I'm waiting for something to happen. It's not going to happen but I'm wishing it will. Haha, I might just be hella stupid. I can't think! I can't do anything! UGHHH!!!

I hate feeling like I let something so good go... Did I?

peach green tea with strawberry pudding

so yummy. long day. i was constantly sleepy though. i miss my man. haha tahitian was fun today. I'm planning on joining viet club and east indian club. yay. more clubs. i like dragon boat. it's so fun. i can only go to tuesday practices though=[ stupid work on weekends. Oh yeah, I quit my other job and got a better one. better pay too[= i need to start going to interact. i havent been there in so long. -_- i keep forgetting about it though. spain this spring break! sigh. college searching. i don't want to stay in san jose. I want to leave. fresno looks nice. looks boring but i don't mind. san diego looks pretty good too. nice beach[= but housing is so expensive. one room with nothing in it would cost twice as much as the place i want in fresno except the fresno one has 2 rooms and it's furnished.

the dance is on friday. yay. time to practice my tahitian skills. hahah , after i gain some xD

i feel so bloated.

i hope you die.

So I'm sure most of you have seen the news about Annie Le, the missing Yale grad student. She is my cousin from my dad's side. I was suppose to attend her wedding but now I'll have to attend her funeral. It really sickens me how far some people will go to sabotage others. Have they no human emotions? No shame? Pity? Regrets? I don't want to go to her funeral. I don't want to see how she looks like. I don't even know what she looks like right now. I haven't seen her in years and now she's gone. Just like that. I hope her slayer gets the worst death of all. maybe it wont be now but later on. karma's a bitch. if it's a male [ and im guessing it most likely is] i pray he gets hit by a car into a tree with the branches going through his eyes and the glass from the car cutting into his face and throat. haha like a final destination type of thing but better. someone should shove a super dull knife into his penis. how exciting. and if it was a girl. i hope she gets caught in a fire, burning all her skin and hair off. i hope she gets her arms and legs amputated so no one will ever want her.

Humans are the most evil animals. We are the only ones that kill for fun. Other animals kill for self defense or out of fear. I don't like humans. We suck. I think that humans see themselves superior to everything else in this world so we tend to push it. a tiger can come at us and kill oh so easily but we can shoot it down just as easy. a shark can tear us to pieces but a torpedo can demolish it just as simple. they do this to protect themselves. why do we do it? to hurt them. we're greedy and that's all we are. maybe all this negativity is coming out so awkwardly because i'm in a bad mood. There are some things I wish I never did so I wouldn't know what it felt like.

I'm trying to make the best out of my senior year but family is still holding me back. i'm debating on whether or not to go to a far away college. not super far but a couple hours away. mom isn't getting any better and i don't know what will happen. i'm not making any progress in life. I can't do anything. I'm still stuck as a prisoner and I really want to leave it all behind. I want to take a couple people with me but sometimes I rather just be alone. It's as if I hurt everyone I care for. and some gets it way worse than others. I've hurt some people ,that I deeply care for, SO much that they've cut me out of their lives. i don't blame them. I'd leave me if I were them. I don't understand how your minds work. i really don't understand it.

at one point today I was really happy. until i was told that most likely it was just a lie to cover up from last night. i don't believe it was a lie. but maybe it isn't completely true either. i keep trying to alternate between you guys but it's so hard. the people i care for the most truely hate each other. I want us to all be friends and cool with each other but I'm sure there's no way in hell that would ever happen. i'm not quite satisfied with my blog but i needed to get somethings off my chest. i want to create another holocaust. haha one for smokers and all the killers caught. i want to put them all in a room with acidic gas. slow painful death. how fun.