F.U TIEN+KEVIN! I'm going to be alone for the next 3 days! GAHH! [ not including Tuesday]
BOTC was today[= It was fun. I dance and I messed up on one part but I doubt anyone noticed it haha. It's weird! I saw him EVERYWHERE at school today! -_- the urge to smack him across the face for leaving me then hugging him because I slapped him is starting to grow stronger. I wonder how much longer I'm going to keep up with this. I swear, I get sad inside whenever I see him.
I was pretty pissed off yesterday. I just wanna yell and bitch and scream at them for being able to make me feel this way. giving me space? bullshit. i'm not hella attached to my boyfriend. -_- i would know if I am. I hate people assuming so much shit about me and never asking. then I'd get hit with the " well you didnt tell me" NO FUCKING SHIT. CAUSE YOU DON'T FUCKING ASK, YOU JUST ASSUME. ugh. i'm getting so fed up with this nonsense! make up your fucking mind. I've been told that they both love me like a sister like i'm their blood. psh, yeah right. blood that they've disowned because they think they should give me space. what type of bullshit excuse is that? I'm not the one trying to make everything different. I'm not even doing anything wrong and you guys are STILL making me feel like I've changed oh so much. this is pointless. If you wanna talk then just talk. I have a phone, I have aim, myspace, facebook, xanga, blogger, yahoo, msn, gmail, and friendster. I have everything you guys do so why is it SOO hard for you guys to keep in touch? I can't be expected to do everything.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Day N' Nite
Damn, Military Ball last night was the shit. [ lol! does anyone use that phrase anymore?] I got there around 5 30 nd it's suppose to let people in around 6. I was there pretty early with Nelson cuhz he had to work so I sat there like a loner then Liaw came and I was just like =D We took pictures first so it wouldn't be hella crowded when the rest of the people arrived. The food was alright. I had pasta [= soo.. let's skip to the dancing haha
Liaw and I scared off hella couples with our freak dancing. It was pretty much like sex on the dance floor. lmfao. I've never done that freaky shit before so it was pretty amusing for me xD I think around 11 ish, the music was cut due to people freaking like something's going down tonight ;D so Liaw and I were like SORRY GUYS! THAT WAS OUR FAULT! WE DIDN'T MEAN TO! xD the people around were actually agreeing with us haha.
HAHAHA NELSON DANCED TO "SINGLE LADIES" AND WON. that was fucking hilarious. some guy kept shoving me so I almost fell into John's lap. That would have been awkward. haha, I hope it's on youtube already xD
Man, Liaw, you're a freak. you Almost out-whored me. ALMOST. [=
Liaw and I scared off hella couples with our freak dancing. It was pretty much like sex on the dance floor. lmfao. I've never done that freaky shit before so it was pretty amusing for me xD I think around 11 ish, the music was cut due to people freaking like something's going down tonight ;D so Liaw and I were like SORRY GUYS! THAT WAS OUR FAULT! WE DIDN'T MEAN TO! xD the people around were actually agreeing with us haha.
HAHAHA NELSON DANCED TO "SINGLE LADIES" AND WON. that was fucking hilarious. some guy kept shoving me so I almost fell into John's lap. That would have been awkward. haha, I hope it's on youtube already xD
Man, Liaw, you're a freak. you Almost out-whored me. ALMOST. [=
Friday, March 13, 2009
The happiness I've felt for the past 2 weeks can't compare to the mother-fucking pain I've felt in the past 3 days. I understand you guys are tyring to protect me, and you guys really care. I understand it, I really reallly do. But why can't you guys see what I see? You keep telling me I've changed but you don't tell me how. You want me to figure this shit out by myself? Fine. One of these days I will. I hope you enjoy the time it takes me to get it.
This pain... when *e*** lied to me about cheating.. it didnt hurt this much. When i found out *e***** hurt me after that stupid argument we had..It didn't hurt this much either. When I found out *i*** was moving to another school, it didn't hurt this much. When *r**** stopped being my friend it didn't hurt this much.
But *o**** disowning me as a friend, *i*** barely talking to me and telling me I'm shutting him out, *l**** telling me I've changed so much and not telling me why... it hurts a lot. It's more than I can handle. It's too much at once. and to top it off *e***** hasn't been talking to me lately either.
you guys think i'm getting way in, too deep with Liaw when you guys won't talk to me, won't tell me and won't hear me out. He IS. HE listens to it all and it's not like he agrees with everything but he's willing to deal with it with me.
I'm starting to wonder if I should even be having this feeling of happiness. You guys are always telling me how you'd want me to be happy cuhz I've been through too much and yet, you won't let me. You tell me it's fine, go ahead, but you're still holding me back from actually going for it.
I'm not trying to shut anyone out, I'm not getting in too deep with Liaw, I'm not replacing anyone, and the main thing that's really bugging me: I'm not any different.
I wish I never promised I wouldn't overdose. I wish I didn't promise not to cut. I wish I didn't promise not to commit suicide. I wish I wasn't selfish, wanting to find happiness, but we can't always have what we want can we?
This pain... when *e*** lied to me about cheating.. it didnt hurt this much. When i found out *e***** hurt me after that stupid argument we had..It didn't hurt this much either. When I found out *i*** was moving to another school, it didn't hurt this much. When *r**** stopped being my friend it didn't hurt this much.
But *o**** disowning me as a friend, *i*** barely talking to me and telling me I'm shutting him out, *l**** telling me I've changed so much and not telling me why... it hurts a lot. It's more than I can handle. It's too much at once. and to top it off *e***** hasn't been talking to me lately either.
you guys think i'm getting way in, too deep with Liaw when you guys won't talk to me, won't tell me and won't hear me out. He IS. HE listens to it all and it's not like he agrees with everything but he's willing to deal with it with me.
I'm starting to wonder if I should even be having this feeling of happiness. You guys are always telling me how you'd want me to be happy cuhz I've been through too much and yet, you won't let me. You tell me it's fine, go ahead, but you're still holding me back from actually going for it.
I'm not trying to shut anyone out, I'm not getting in too deep with Liaw, I'm not replacing anyone, and the main thing that's really bugging me: I'm not any different.
I wish I never promised I wouldn't overdose. I wish I didn't promise not to cut. I wish I didn't promise not to commit suicide. I wish I wasn't selfish, wanting to find happiness, but we can't always have what we want can we?
good things come to an end.
I'm still shocked. I don't know. My chest hurts. I'm in pain. Fuck my life, fuck the world. People come and go, I know that. It sucks that they're always the one that are so close to me. They get a better chance at ripping my heart out and throwing it away like a meaningless object. Distance should never be the reason to drift apart. Neither is having a new person in your life. You said you'd always be my friend and now you're abandoning me because you think I'm shutting you out. I've NEVER even tried to shut you out. You just don't ask me about certain things so I don't tell you. You don't tell me certain things either. It's not fair! You guys always make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside enough to spill my guts to you, but you barely tell me anything.
I'm not meant to be happy. My happiness hurts people I care for. I know, you don't want to be my friend anymore and you don't care and this whole thing is pointless, but still, I love you. I told you you'd always be my pescado. I wasn't planning on going back on my words. I hope some day, we'll be friends again and everything will be cool.
I'm closing up my heart; I'm building a stronger, taller, bigger wall around my heart so no one can get in besides the ones already there. I am not going to be immune to pain forever, but right now I'm so used to it that it seems like a natural thing. IT SHOULDN'T BE.
For now, I'm gonna do what Kevin does and shut it all out. I'm not letting anyone get close enough to hurt me anymore.
I'm not meant to be happy. My happiness hurts people I care for. I know, you don't want to be my friend anymore and you don't care and this whole thing is pointless, but still, I love you. I told you you'd always be my pescado. I wasn't planning on going back on my words. I hope some day, we'll be friends again and everything will be cool.
I'm closing up my heart; I'm building a stronger, taller, bigger wall around my heart so no one can get in besides the ones already there. I am not going to be immune to pain forever, but right now I'm so used to it that it seems like a natural thing. IT SHOULDN'T BE.
For now, I'm gonna do what Kevin does and shut it all out. I'm not letting anyone get close enough to hurt me anymore.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Always a good day with you
Woke up early cuhz Liaw called me. Got up and got ready to get lunch with Fisher. We went to some ramen place down in JapanTown. It was pretty yummy. I've been eating a lot today. We walked around for a bit then went to get some candy! Hurray for Hi-Chews. I fcking LOVE them.
Went to Gmall in attempt to look for tube socks. We found some at Journey's but that shit was like 5 pairs for $9.00 and I was like nah, cost too much. It's not like I'd wear them a lot so it seemed like a waste of money for me. Called up my boyfriend and he said to go to target to get some. We picked him up and went to Target and TA-DA! They have tube socks! In green! and other colors but GREEN! I was happy cuhz they look nice[=
Hung out with Liaw for a while and went to school. sat near the lake and it was just really nice. We laid in the grass and talked and texted then after a while, the sky got darker and the moon+ stars came out and it was just beautiful<3 then a duck scared me and he laughed. jerk. xD
Today was a good day ^_^
Went to Gmall in attempt to look for tube socks. We found some at Journey's but that shit was like 5 pairs for $9.00 and I was like nah, cost too much. It's not like I'd wear them a lot so it seemed like a waste of money for me. Called up my boyfriend and he said to go to target to get some. We picked him up and went to Target and TA-DA! They have tube socks! In green! and other colors but GREEN! I was happy cuhz they look nice[=
Hung out with Liaw for a while and went to school. sat near the lake and it was just really nice. We laid in the grass and talked and texted then after a while, the sky got darker and the moon+ stars came out and it was just beautiful<3 then a duck scared me and he laughed. jerk. xD
Today was a good day ^_^
Sunday, March 1, 2009
man, it's too early!
insomnia- craig david [= and im watching spongebob the movie.
it's a chill song. haha i'm up so early!
i got up at like 5 this morning, i slept early haha.
i feel like I fucked up somehow. Me being happy scares my friends. haha Lately, I've been really happy because of my boyfriend, and I've been doing things I usually don't do. like ditching practice, going against lent, getting in trouble and staying out late. But he's worth it.
I've been told that I act like my world revolves around him... It doesn't.. I just like him. A LOT. I just have a lot to show and now I finally have someone I can show it to that won't reject it. It's a really good feeling to have someone you care for this way really appreciate you and not take whatever you give them for granted. you KNOW that the only other person that I felt this way for took it all for granted. Liaw won't do that to me.
I'm sorry I worried you guys with my obsession. It won't happen again anytime soon. xD Liaw is for keeps<3 when someone makes you feel this great about yourself, I don't think you'd want to let them go so easily.
I'm really sorry I got you and pescado worried but I'm also really glad you guys cared so much. Thanks for allowing me to be so happy. ^_^ It means A lot. Thanks for introducing me to Liaw too. haha
it's a chill song. haha i'm up so early!
i got up at like 5 this morning, i slept early haha.
i feel like I fucked up somehow. Me being happy scares my friends. haha Lately, I've been really happy because of my boyfriend, and I've been doing things I usually don't do. like ditching practice, going against lent, getting in trouble and staying out late. But he's worth it.
I've been told that I act like my world revolves around him... It doesn't.. I just like him. A LOT. I just have a lot to show and now I finally have someone I can show it to that won't reject it. It's a really good feeling to have someone you care for this way really appreciate you and not take whatever you give them for granted. you KNOW that the only other person that I felt this way for took it all for granted. Liaw won't do that to me.
I'm sorry I worried you guys with my obsession. It won't happen again anytime soon. xD Liaw is for keeps<3 when someone makes you feel this great about yourself, I don't think you'd want to let them go so easily.
I'm really sorry I got you and pescado worried but I'm also really glad you guys cared so much. Thanks for allowing me to be so happy. ^_^ It means A lot. Thanks for introducing me to Liaw too. haha
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