i spent too much engery onit

holy shit. awkward. haha. i hope that doesnt happen again. i dont like being somewhere i feel like im helllaaaa disliked. i mean, i know and understand why but i still hella dont want to be here. sorry. as much as it's cool to hang out with you. this was helllaa weird for me.

Baby, you're my everything

you're all i've ever wanted

but lately it's like you're fucking sadistic. you put me in pain and you enjoy it. I know you know this. why? i thought you love me. what the fuck is going on? it's horrible. I'm blamed for everything! I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO BE THERE FOR IT TO BE MY FAULT! sometimes, i think you're trying to see how far you can push me. I was made for you to step all over me. i know i let you but it's because i'd rather be the one hurt then letting you get hurt. but you know what? sometimes you gotta feel the agony to gain strength. no pain no gain. quit being a dick. no matter how much i tell you, how long i plead, you still treat me the same. then give me the " i just miss you" excuse. shit, i miss you too but i'm not putting you through hell because i'm there.

tonight, i want to sleep in the dark without music. let the darkness take over me. let silence consume me. I don't want to feel this empty void where my heart should be. Where is my heart anyways? my torn up, beaten to bits, bloody, shard stabbed heart. i don't want this heart. but i need it to survive. why can't i be like iron man? the nigga gots a light where his heart should be.

Thanks wahwah. for putting up with my stupidity. it's outrageous. how mature i act yet how immature i am for being this way. thanks for listening when others don't. i know it's because i've worn them out with the same problem but you listen to the other crap they don't care for. thanks<3

my other half, my baby boo

i hope you feel the same way too

i hate being so weak. i hate being how i am. i hate myself. i cant make anyone happy. my goal in life was NOT to make people miserable. but fuck, that's all i know how to do. help me=[

i want to bang my head against broken glass. i want to lose myself and just pass out. i want my heart to stop beating so i can be heartless and not care about everything but i'm only human. my stupid heart cares too much.

no one knows how much i care though. how ironic. i'm so used to hiding how i feel so no one can hurt me but i was foolish. by doing so i'm hurting myself. whenever i look in the mirror. i see a fuck up, a whore, a mistake. i don't like what i am but the only way to change it is to cause more damage. i just cant do it.

day and night. the lonely loner seems to free his mind at night

i love that song.

MHS homecoming festival tmrw, i wna go to see Oso[=

my bologna has a first name! it's O-s-c-a-r
my bologna has a second name it's M-a-y-e-r
Oh I love to eat it everyday and if you ask me why i'll say:
cause Oscar Mayer has a way with B-o-l-o-g-n-a!

that was all for you Oso<3 lol

I'm all alone

Look up at the stars they laugh at me
Cause I screwed it up
I know what I said
I hear it again and again in my head

Today was a crappy day. I was late. I coudlnt get the stupid top on, it kept slipping off. after the rally, i took some pictures. I wanted to take a picture with Tien when i saw him then my camera breaks. i'm STILL EXTREMELY pissed off about that. wasted half my day being mad. then when i calmed down, i got really sleepy and fell asleep during Senor A's class. Went home, tried to make my toga & kept poking myself with the safety pin. Got mad at kevin for not helping me & for his crappy recording. I asked him to record me for Tahitian and it was crap. i got hella mad. it was just fucking pointless. asked him to do something for me so i dont have to do it the hard way [ im already in a bad mood ] he was like okay. and just layed there. i was like wow okay nvm then. it was one of those moments where i only want it when i ask for it, not later on when i'm mad. my right arrow on my keyboard is broken. i cant take pictures for tmrw's football game because my fucking camera is broken. UGHHH WTF!?!?!!?!?!?!?!? i think the only good thing was going to college night and seeing john & steven there. hung out with steven and heizell later on. it was cool.

i seriously need some real female friends. not those acquaintances who i can say hi to. i need a real friend who doesn't fucking bail on me cause of some guy or richer girls. someone i can actually talk to about my stupid girl problems. there are some things girls can do and guys cant. this is pathetic. FML